rejection
i've long dealt with the silent issue of being afraid of rejection - from bad grades to personal relationships i have with others.
i always thought i didn't have this issue as my defense mechanism was to ignore the feeling entirely. i've often felt inadequate. my defense mechanism caused me to be safe in my little bubble. in addition, i'm mean to people as a result - which is honestly pretty disgusting behavior.
i'm not sure what to make of this. i suppose i am enough. i suppose i should not feel inadequate, but that's easier said than done. how do i achieve great things without an ego? without ego, there's no point to building achievements as that's just chasing the goal of satisfying my insecurities.
it often helps to remind myself that i and everyone around me will be dead soon. morbid? maybe. but its the quickest and most effective way to check myself when i get tunnel visioned.